Thanks

[BigRuss]

Dear All,

My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year........

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat droppings in the glue on envelopes because, I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the £15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program .....

Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants to split £7million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St.Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants, even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you,

I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward e-mail to
seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy petrol without taking a security guard along to watch the car,so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer go to shopping malls because,someone will drug me with an aftershave sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get an enormous phone bill for calls to Jamaica ,Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan .

Thanks to you,

I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my rear end.

And thanks to your great advice,

I can't even pick up the £5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester, waiting nearby who will try to molest me, when I bend to pick it up!

P.S.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next-door neighbour's, ex-mother-in-law's, second husband's, cousin's, beauticians brother.

By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late



Russ

[majedm75]

Seen already not long ago:
Unsolicited Email

http://www.the75andztclub.co.uk/foru...ad.php?t=10488

[BigRuss]

Sorry. Didn't know it had already been posted.

[GreyGhost]

Don't expect people to wade back through hundreds of jokes to check, anyway there will be many more now that haven't seen the oldies.

[Hampton Caught]

Thanks, Russ.

I hadn't seen it before, enjoyed it and was very glad that my hand was at my mouth when I read the last bit! :lol:

Steve