God save the Queen

Number 6 · 11th December 2015, 14:25

A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

-----------------------

1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

------------------------

2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'

-------------------

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

-----------------

4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

----------------------

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

----------------------

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

--------------------

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

-------------------

8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

-------------------

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

---------------------

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

---------------------

11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

---------------------

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

--------------------

13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

-----------------

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

---------------

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!

PS: Only share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT humor)!

murphyv310 · 11th December 2015, 14:30

Did you do a carbon copy to Mr Obama and Her Majesty?
Might be quite interesting

championdaddy · 11th December 2015, 15:19

I like number 11 !! LMAO

freck · 11th December 2015, 16:00

Nice to see that it's come from someone living in France

Scaramanga · 11th December 2015, 16:07

I saw this a few years ago...

It needs implementation as soon as possible

visfix · 11th December 2015, 16:10

Quote:

Originally Posted by freck

Nice to see that it's come from someone living in France

FRANCE!?!

Number 6 · 11th December 2015, 16:55

Quote:

Originally Posted by freck

Nice to see that it's come from someone living in France

I dont mind living in France with Diesel at 69 pence a litre

Quote:

Originally Posted by visfix

FRANCE!?!

As above lol

championdaddy · 11th December 2015, 17:15

Quote:

Originally Posted by Number 6

I dont mind living in France with Diesel at 69 pence a litre

Show off .

Number 6 · 11th December 2015, 17:24

Oh and to add to the 69 p a litre NO road Tax and CT (MOT)every TWO years

jackatesme · 11th December 2015, 17:39

Se la vie

11th December 2015, 14:25	#1
Number 6 This is my second home Rover 75 tourer Club CD/Limo Tints Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Meneac Posts: 6,759 Thanks: 5,007 Thanked 1,609 Times in 869 Posts	God save the Queen A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.) Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy). Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect: ----------------------- 1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary'). ------------------------ 2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.' ------------------- 3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. ----------------- 4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse. ---------------------- 5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public. ---------------------- 6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour. -------------------- 7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it. ------------------- 8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar. ------------------- 9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion. --------------------- 10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater. --------------------- 11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). --------------------- 12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries. -------------------- 13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad. ----------------- 14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776). --------------- 15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season. God Save the Queen! PS: Only share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT humor)! __________________ ] "I started out with nothing, and Ive still got most of it left!"

11th December 2015, 14:30	#2
murphyv310 This is my second home Hyundai i10 998cc Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: Kilmarnock Posts: 6,602 Thanks: 2,088 Thanked 2,298 Times in 1,349 Posts	Did you do a carbon copy to Mr Obama and Her Majesty? Might be quite interesting __________________ Cheers from Trevor MM0KJJ

11th December 2015, 16:00	#4
freck Posted a thing or two Rover 75 CDT Connie Tourer Join Date: Oct 2015 Location: Preston Posts: 1,051 Thanks: 142 Thanked 274 Times in 226 Posts	Nice to see that it's come from someone living in France __________________ Steve Teamwork makes the dream work! Mods planned - Cruise retrofit - Done, ZT front bumper - Done, 160 remap - Done...and probably one or two more This vehicle was the 15,751st 75 Tourer to run off the production line, out of 27,407 This vehicle was the 3,726th 75 Tourer CDT Connoisseur to be made out of 4,100 This vehicle was the 732nd 75 Tourer in Starlight Silver (code: MBB) to be made out of 4,100 Starlight Silver 75 Tourers

11th December 2015, 16:07	#5
Scaramanga I really should get out more....... Firefrost 75 CDTi Conn SE manual Tourer Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: Wales Posts: 2,319 Thanks: 1,409 Thanked 695 Times in 500 Posts	I saw this a few years ago... It needs implementation as soon as possible __________________ My current 75 is my 4th... 1. Starlight Silver 1.8 manual Saloon- RIP - HGF before I joined this forum 2. White Gold CDTi manual Saloon - RIP - Car accident 3. Midnight Blue 2.5 V6 auto Saloon- 'The 5th Gear Car' - Now owned by another forum member 4. Firefrost CDTi manual Tourer Lee [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

11th December 2015, 17:24	#9
Number 6 This is my second home Rover 75 tourer Club CD/Limo Tints Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Meneac Posts: 6,759 Thanks: 5,007 Thanked 1,609 Times in 869 Posts	Oh and to add to the 69 p a litre NO road Tax and CT (MOT)every TWO years __________________ ] "I started out with nothing, and Ive still got most of it left!"

11th December 2015, 15:19	#3
championdaddy This is my second home Mg Zt 190 Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: The FIRST Garden City....Letchworth. Posts: 6,778 Thanks: 1,243 Thanked 920 Times in 698 Posts	I like number 11 !! LMAO

11th December 2015, 17:39	#10
jackatesme This is my second home rover 75 saloon.Renault Captur 1.5 diesel. Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: rhymney Posts: 3,661 Thanks: 2,269 Thanked 1,242 Times in 702 Posts	Se la vie