Sergeant Major 2

huntsman · 16th February 2007, 19:37

Sergeant Major was tasked with the responsibility of informing new recruit Jones that his mother had passed away. Being a straight forward sorta chap, he stopped at Jones when inspecting and said, "Jones your mother is dead".
Poor Jones collapsed and hit his head badly which meant three days in hospital.
The very next week Smith's mother passes away. The Major calls the Sergeant Major and says, "sar'nt major bit of a poor show last week with Jones, Smiths mother has died now, use a bit more consideration this time"
Sar'nt Major had an idea. Got the company on parade and shouts, "ALL THOSE WITH MOTHERS - ONE STEP FORWARD - MARCH" "and WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING SMITH"

Raistlin · 16th February 2007, 20:16

Oh dear

That one has a VERY long beard

huntsman · 16th February 2007, 23:31

true, have done better. howzabout

"Test for Dementia"

"It's that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test."

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we
grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you
lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of
intelligence.

Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. The
spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your
answer.

OK, relax, clear your mind and begin

1. What do you put in a toaster?

Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," give up now and do something else.
Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, bread, go to Question 2.

2 Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?

Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," don't
Attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even
overheat. Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such
as Auto World. However, if you said "water", proceed to question 3.

3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from
blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is
made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?

Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks," why
are you still reading these???
If you said "glass," go on to Question 4.

4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany
(If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West
Germany and East Germany .) Anyway, during the flight, TWO engines fail.
The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing,
decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before
he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's
land" between East Germany and West Germany . Where would you bury the
survivors? East Germany, West Germany, or no man's land"?

Answer: You don't bury survivors.

If you said ANYTHING else, you're a dunce and you must stop. If you said,
"You don't bury survivors", proceed to the next question.

5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to
Milford Haven in Wales . In London , 17 people get on the bus; InReading,
six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon , two people
get off and four get on. In Cardiff , 11 people get off and 16 people get
on. In Swansea , three people get off and five people get on In Carmathen,
six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What
was the name of the bus driver?

Answer: Oh, for f*** sake......!

Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!!

GreyGhost · 16th February 2007, 23:39

The last one caught me out, not suprising really as I suffer with short term wossaname.

Timbo.P6 · 18th February 2007, 11:13

this was brill

16th February 2007, 19:37	#1
huntsman Newbie rover 75 tourer Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: fife Posts: 14 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Sergeant Major 2 Sergeant Major was tasked with the responsibility of informing new recruit Jones that his mother had passed away. Being a straight forward sorta chap, he stopped at Jones when inspecting and said, "Jones your mother is dead". Poor Jones collapsed and hit his head badly which meant three days in hospital. The very next week Smith's mother passes away. The Major calls the Sergeant Major and says, "sar'nt major bit of a poor show last week with Jones, Smiths mother has died now, use a bit more consideration this time" Sar'nt Major had an idea. Got the company on parade and shouts, "ALL THOSE WITH MOTHERS - ONE STEP FORWARD - MARCH" "and WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING SMITH"

16th February 2007, 20:16	#2
Raistlin Banned 75 CDT Connoisseur SE Auto Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Wolverhampton Posts: 8,450 Thanks: 0 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	Oh dear That one has a VERY long beard

16th February 2007, 23:31	#3
huntsman Newbie rover 75 tourer Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: fife Posts: 14 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	true, have done better. howzabout "Test for Dementia" "It's that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test." Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence. Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer. OK, relax, clear your mind and begin 1. What do you put in a toaster? Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," give up now and do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, bread, go to Question 2. 2 Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink? Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," don't Attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as Auto World. However, if you said "water", proceed to question 3. 3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from? Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks," why are you still reading these??? If you said "glass," go on to Question 4. 4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany .) Anyway, during the flight, TWO engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany . Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany, West Germany, or no man's land"? Answer: You don't bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you're a dunce and you must stop. If you said, "You don't bury survivors", proceed to the next question. 5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales . In London , 17 people get on the bus; InReading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon , two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff , 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea , three people get off and five people get on In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver? Answer: Oh, for f*** sake......! Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!!

16th February 2007, 23:39	#4
GreyGhost Banned 180+ Sport Auto Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Bedford Middle Level Posts: 17,787 Thanks: 0 Thanked 18 Times in 5 Posts	The last one caught me out, not suprising really as I suffer with short term wossaname.

18th February 2007, 11:13	#5
Timbo.P6 Posted a thing or two ROVER 75 CONNOISSEUR T SE WITH MISSING SATNAV ROVER P6 2000 SC Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Doncaster Posts: 1,484 Thanks: 429 Thanked 77 Times in 44 Posts	this was brill