Brum's Joke Book - Page 24

brum29 · 9th July 2008, 11:17

Quote:

Originally Posted by baxlin

At least Keff's jokes are on the site, you don't have to link to some unfunny/rude YouTube clip, and this isn't meant to sound like "damned with faint praise", I enjoy reading silly jokes.

So more power to Brum's elbow, and don't forget, when the Beano jokebook has been exhausted, there's always the Dandy one up in the loft somewhere.........

Malcolm

Cheers Malcolm you've just become my very very best friend :lol:

windrush · 10th July 2008, 09:26

Well i like your jokes Keff well some of them can i take that i am now on your friendship list

brum29 · 10th July 2008, 10:22

Quote:

Originally Posted by windrush

Well i like your jokes Keff well some of them can i take that i am now on your friendship list

Derek you were never off it, you've always been on my very very Best friends list, how's Lilian by the way.

baxlin · 10th July 2008, 10:57

Quote:

Originally Posted by tigerchubs

Well thats done it Malcolm all that good work ruined with one ill thought out post.

Well, when your all-time favourite joke is

"Why is a lumberjack stupid?

- Because first he cuts a tree down, then he cuts it up......"

You'll know why I enjoy the Brum offerings!!

Malcolm

brum29 · 10th July 2008, 11:25

Quote:

Originally Posted by tigerchubs

Well thats done it Malcolm all that good work ruined with one ill thought out post.

Quote:

Originally Posted by baxlin

Well, when your all-time favourite joke is

"Why is a lumberjack stupid?

- Because first he cuts a tree down, then he cuts it up......"

You'll know why I enjoy the Brum offerings!!

Malcolm

!!!!!!Fight !!!!!!

brum29 · 10th July 2008, 12:01

A lovely Jewish woman was to be wed to a handsome Catholic man. Traditions were equally important to both families and this made choosing a theme song for their wedding a major challenge.

The groom's brother had a rich operatic voice and was especially noted for singing Ave Maria.

The bride's Mama, realizing the dilemma sighed and said "Oy vey!" "That's it!" replied the groom. Oy Vey Maria was jubilantly sung.

brum29 · 10th July 2008, 12:06

A man had a dream that he was talking with God. He asked God TIME must be different in his dimension, to which God explained 1 second is equal to 1 of your years.

The man then asked MONEY has no consequence in the spiritual world, and if so, why couldn't God give to the man a million pounds?, to which God replied, "Give me a minute."

brum29 · 10th July 2008, 12:12

Can anyone help me solve this riddle? What object has keys that open no locks, space but no room, and you can enter but not go in?

brum29 · 10th July 2008, 12:19

A man walked into the ladies department of a store and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said,

"I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."

"What type of bra?" asked the clerk

"Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?"

"Look around" said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of
bras to choose from."

Relieved, the man asked about the types.

The saleslady replied:

"There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?"

Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.

The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple. . .

The Catholic type supports the masses;

The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen;

The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright; and

The Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills

brum29 · 10th July 2008, 12:26

A man's car stopped dead along the old country road. He got out of his car, lifted the bonnet, and looked at the motor. Just then, a big black and white cow came along and stopped beside him. The cow also peered under the bonnet. "Your trouble is probably the carburetor", said the cow.

The startled man jumped back and ran down the road until he met a farmer. He told the farmer what had happened. The farmer asked, "Was the cow black and white?" "Yes, yes!" cried the motorist. "Oh, don't pay any attention to Ol' Bossy. She doesn't know a thing about modern cars."

10th July 2008, 09:26	#232
windrush This is my second home December 2004 Rover 75 2ltr CDTi Connoisseur SE HL Tourer Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Aldershot Posts: 74,464 Thanks: 2,431 Thanked 3,015 Times in 2,347 Posts	Well i like your jokes Keff well some of them can i take that i am now on your friendship list __________________ ][SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] My Pearl Black Beauty Best regards Lilian and Derek Club Member No. 96 / Forum User No. 111 REGISTRATION to the club as a member FREE, FULL MEMBERSHIP is £10 WE WILL REMEMBER THEM

10th July 2008, 12:01	#236
brum29 Passed Away Rover 75 Tourer 2L CDT Club SE 2002 Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: B.V.T - Birmingham Posts: 832 Thanks: 0 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	Jewish/ Catholic Wedding................. A lovely Jewish woman was to be wed to a handsome Catholic man. Traditions were equally important to both families and this made choosing a theme song for their wedding a major challenge. The groom's brother had a rich operatic voice and was especially noted for singing Ave Maria. The bride's Mama, realizing the dilemma sighed and said "Oy vey!" "That's it!" replied the groom. Oy Vey Maria was jubilantly sung.

10th July 2008, 12:06	#237
brum29 Passed Away Rover 75 Tourer 2L CDT Club SE 2002 Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: B.V.T - Birmingham Posts: 832 Thanks: 0 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	Gods a Joker................... A man had a dream that he was talking with God. He asked God TIME must be different in his dimension, to which God explained 1 second is equal to 1 of your years. The man then asked MONEY has no consequence in the spiritual world, and if so, why couldn't God give to the man a million pounds?, to which God replied, "Give me a minute."

10th July 2008, 12:12	#238
brum29 Passed Away Rover 75 Tourer 2L CDT Club SE 2002 Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: B.V.T - Birmingham Posts: 832 Thanks: 0 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	Key Riddle......................... Can anyone help me solve this riddle? What object has keys that open no locks, space but no room, and you can enter but not go in?

10th July 2008, 12:19	#239
brum29 Passed Away Rover 75 Tourer 2L CDT Club SE 2002 Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: B.V.T - Birmingham Posts: 832 Thanks: 0 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	Religious Garment................... A man walked into the ladies department of a store and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife." "What type of bra?" asked the clerk "Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?" "Look around" said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from." Relieved, the man asked about the types. The saleslady replied: "There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?" Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them. The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple. . . The Catholic type supports the masses; The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen; The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright; and The Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills

10th July 2008, 12:26	#240
brum29 Passed Away Rover 75 Tourer 2L CDT Club SE 2002 Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: B.V.T - Birmingham Posts: 832 Thanks: 0 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	Car Trouble................ A man's car stopped dead along the old country road. He got out of his car, lifted the bonnet, and looked at the motor. Just then, a big black and white cow came along and stopped beside him. The cow also peered under the bonnet. "Your trouble is probably the carburetor", said the cow. The startled man jumped back and ran down the road until he met a farmer. He told the farmer what had happened. The farmer asked, "Was the cow black and white?" "Yes, yes!" cried the motorist. "Oh, don't pay any attention to Ol' Bossy. She doesn't know a thing about modern cars."