My future is saved ...

Spôôk · 14th January 2007, 11:04

Department for Environment, Food & Rural Affairs
Nobel House
17 Smith Square
London
SW1P 3JR

Dear Sirs

My old and trusted friend Albert Cowdrey over in Cherington just received a cheque for £ 5.000 from the EU, because he gave up raising his cows. Having thought carefully about it, I have decided to give up raising cows too.

As I do not wish to break any rules or politics, I would like to consult the Ministry on which type of farmland is the most suitable for not raising cows. And in particular, which cattle race is the best to give up raising. My good friend Albert gave up raising Angus, but if there is a more suitable race you can recommend, I would be happy to oblige.

However, I foresee great problems keeping count of the number of cows I will be giving up raising. Albert raised 50 cows for more than twenty years, and at best, he had a profit of £ 2.000 a year. That is until last year, when he gave up raising cows and received £ 5.000.

So, if I will be getting £ 5.000 for not raising 50 cows, will I then get £ 10.000 for not raising 100 cows? In that case I am planning to start of with not raising 1.000 cows, which after tax and administration cost should leave me with a reasonable amount, and as I get more acquainted with farming, I will increase the number of cows gradually.

However, in my new capacity as a farmer, I have looked in to other areas of EU subsidies.
I have calculated that the cows I am giving up raising will not be eating 10 tonnes of corn and fodder per year. Furthermore, I have leaned that the EU is also paying farmers for not growing corn; I would like to know if I can receive subsidies for the corn, I am not growing to feed the cows I am giving up raising.

In addition, it is my understanding that I can also receive subsidies for not providing milk from the cows I will not be milking, as well as the calves I will not be having from the cows I am giving up raising.

Being new to farming, I would appreciate receiving all available information on EU subsidies that I might have overlooked, so that I may have the same favourable position as other farmers in the EU.

Because of all the farm work I will be giving up, I am going to be unemployed and consequently I would like to receive unemployment support as well.

Assuring you of my continued support during the coming elections, I remain

Yours Sincerely,

Ken · 14th January 2007, 11:17

Given the state of the European community all of the above is probably true :lol:

GreyGhost · 14th January 2007, 11:52

That would be really funny if were not so accurate

Simon · 14th January 2007, 14:50

In a sad and satirical way this is all very real. I wonder if anyone is actually doing this...?

JohnFol · 14th January 2007, 16:53

If you put DEFRA in a spell check, you get Defraud.
If I remember, I'll send you all a photo taken inside the DEFRA office loos . ..

tonyjtl1 · 20th January 2007, 19:03

see ukip. regards

tourerfogey · 20th January 2007, 21:00

Quote:

Originally Posted by JohnFol

I'll send you all a photo taken inside the DEFRA office loos . ..

?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????
?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????
????????????????????????????????????????

JohnDotCom · 20th January 2007, 23:10

Our New Masters & setters of all things in the EU most probally don't see anything wrong with that Statement and would most probally accept it as an official copy!

Frightening Isn't it?

14th January 2007, 11:04	#1
Spôôk Gets stuck in Rover 75 CDTi Conn. SE Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: EU (Denmark, just North of Copenhagen) Posts: 650 Thanks: 29 Thanked 55 Times in 45 Posts	My future is saved ... Department for Environment, Food & Rural Affairs Nobel House 17 Smith Square London SW1P 3JR Dear Sirs My old and trusted friend Albert Cowdrey over in Cherington just received a cheque for £ 5.000 from the EU, because he gave up raising his cows. Having thought carefully about it, I have decided to give up raising cows too. As I do not wish to break any rules or politics, I would like to consult the Ministry on which type of farmland is the most suitable for not raising cows. And in particular, which cattle race is the best to give up raising. My good friend Albert gave up raising Angus, but if there is a more suitable race you can recommend, I would be happy to oblige. However, I foresee great problems keeping count of the number of cows I will be giving up raising. Albert raised 50 cows for more than twenty years, and at best, he had a profit of £ 2.000 a year. That is until last year, when he gave up raising cows and received £ 5.000. So, if I will be getting £ 5.000 for not raising 50 cows, will I then get £ 10.000 for not raising 100 cows? In that case I am planning to start of with not raising 1.000 cows, which after tax and administration cost should leave me with a reasonable amount, and as I get more acquainted with farming, I will increase the number of cows gradually. However, in my new capacity as a farmer, I have looked in to other areas of EU subsidies. I have calculated that the cows I am giving up raising will not be eating 10 tonnes of corn and fodder per year. Furthermore, I have leaned that the EU is also paying farmers for not growing corn; I would like to know if I can receive subsidies for the corn, I am not growing to feed the cows I am giving up raising. In addition, it is my understanding that I can also receive subsidies for not providing milk from the cows I will not be milking, as well as the calves I will not be having from the cows I am giving up raising. Being new to farming, I would appreciate receiving all available information on EU subsidies that I might have overlooked, so that I may have the same favourable position as other farmers in the EU. Because of all the farm work I will be giving up, I am going to be unemployed and consequently I would like to receive unemployment support as well. Assuring you of my continued support during the coming elections, I remain Yours Sincerely, __________________ My Rover 75 after i did the latest mods [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] Last edited by Spôôk; 15th January 2007 at 06:29..

14th January 2007, 11:17	#2
Ken Busy doing nothing! . Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Hampshire Posts: 6,373 Thanks: 33 Thanked 44 Times in 16 Posts	Given the state of the European community all of the above is probably true :lol:

14th January 2007, 11:52	#3
GreyGhost Banned 180+ Sport Auto Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Bedford Middle Level Posts: 17,787 Thanks: 0 Thanked 18 Times in 5 Posts	That would be really funny if were not so accurate

14th January 2007, 14:50	#4
Simon Banned - Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: - Posts: 10,318 Thanks: 0 Thanked 4 Times in 3 Posts	In a sad and satirical way this is all very real. I wonder if anyone is actually doing this...?

14th January 2007, 16:53	#5
JohnFol Gets stuck in 75 Conn SE - XVWY* Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Reading Posts: 564 Thanks: 0 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts	If you put DEFRA in a spell check, you get Defraud. If I remember, I'll send you all a photo taken inside the DEFRA office loos . ..

20th January 2007, 19:03	#6
tonyjtl1 Newbie 75 Saloon&75 Tourer Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: arundel west sussex Posts: 14 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	see ukip. regards

20th January 2007, 23:10	#8
JohnDotCom * Rover 75 FaceLift Tourer CDTi 170BHP Auto ConnSE 2005 Model Starlight Silver Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Abergele Posts: 28,735 Thanks: 0 Thanked 6 Times in 5 Posts	Our New Masters & setters of all things in the EU most probally don't see anything wrong with that Statement and would most probally accept it as an official copy! Frightening Isn't it?