Since everything that's happened I've made some changes myself mainly too let the past be, I won't lie too you I was a bit of violent person during my teens lots of anger and at first I was targeting the bully's.
But over time I became one myself and started fighting with anyone that gave me a certain look because I could with my martial arts background and weight training I had a slight edge.
I was look at it in Disgust I hated myself for it and rather then letting it go I carried that guilt with me for many years Sometimes I would dream, about the fights and the old faces too.
Not so long ago while in Tesco's I saw one of my old mates he was with me as well during those times too.
We talked and chatted however part was still thinking don't mention the past in back of my mind, which of course he did and I aksed him straight up do you regret the tghings you done?
He gave me a look and pretty much said What the beep has happened too you jesus beep you used so tough and hard, life's changed you into a pussy pal.
It was very clear too me that he hadn't changed his ways.
I said too him the difference between you and me is and he shouts what.
I regret and feel guilty of the things I've done, You on the other hand couldn't give a flying beeps.
I blame myself because I felt that I made him that way, You see he was a quiet kid me on the other very confident and very corky.
I knew at the time he wasn't a leader so he started joining in with me as well.
That was the trigger for me.
Of course finical got on top a bit, My girlfriend and I having problems and broke up.
Then the guilt and ramose really kicked in hard.
It was just a massive wave of negative thoughts came crashing down on me.
I didn't speak a word about it not once.
I'm getting a lot better in myself and even more so letting the past go for good.
Been looking into doing courses too try out different things set myself some targets and goals too reach.
I've always had a negative view on life, well not anymore I came very too death closer then I ever been, After all that I knew I had too change my ways and soon.
I have too say I'm liking the new me even more so then ever.
