Hi Dave,
Your posting is very brave and to me very moving.
I have personal experience of what you described in 2 ways, one ended well just like you, the second tragically.
Im a police officer and got a call to a report of a suicidal male in a car. It was a night shift and in the middle of winter, a real hard freezing, foggy night. We'd been in the station doing paperwork for several hours when we got the emergency call and came out to find the patrol car absoloutely frozen solid, we took off anyway with windows still frozen, barely able to see out and it was about 3 miles away in a car park on a dark country road, I was observer and actually was leaning out of the passengers door window assisting the driver with where to go and the journey seemed frustratingly long and far too slow. Long story short, we got there in time, ambulance arriving just a few moments after us. I never heard of the man again, never found out what his problems had been. Was just pleased to have done our bit. I'm no longer in uniform but notice that my colleagues very often leave their cars running all the time when they are in the station these days, not great for the planet or the service fuel bills but means they are ready to go instantly when they have to.
The second incident was unfortunately much closer to home and ended in the worst possible way because it was my younger sister who tragically took her own life in a car. I'll not go into details, Its a lot of years ago now. As Im typing this though I have tears in my eyes and havent cried about her in such a long time. Time is a healer but the sense of loss is sometimes still so strong. The impact on my own mental health was significant but its my parents who my heart breaks for. They and I to this day still dont know why.
I respect your openness and bravery for talking about this. I really hope you take all the help available and find yourself now in a better place than you were then.
As BT used to say, "It's good to talk"
Best wishes.
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