[FLYING BANANA]

…………………………. Never been able get it out of mind “the what if’s”. Almost 11 years since my Val took the hands of the Angels. 11 years ago tomorrow, my birthday, I had to make that decision to stop the drugs and to turn off the machine. Not an easy decision to make on your own. I only consulted one person, Michael my brother-in-law. He said that he would respect my decision. We went through “the what if’s” but at the end of the day it was for the best that I would have to let Val go.

The doctors said that she would slip away after about 36 hours, but they obviously didn’t know my Val. It was almost 72 hours before she let out a little sigh and slipped away. I had been by her side for the last 11 days, trying hard not to leave her side,. I only went home once in those 11 days. Long enough to have a shower and a change of clothes. I even brought clean clothes back with me so I could change into clean without leaving her side.

The nurses kept me watered and fed, I never asked them for this. But being nurses they were doing what they do best. Val had visitors from the care home staff. Who came and sat beside her and chatted away. At these times I stayed at her bedside, but nodded off for a short while. A couple of times I awoke to find a pillow under my head and a blanket over me.
Michael would come in on his way home from work. Miles out of his way as he lived in North London and we was in West Essex. But he came to chat with his sister.

That Christmas is a blur, apparently I attended a Christmas Carol Concert at the Dome on Christmas Eve. No memory of that. I stayed with friends in Kent over Christmas. (We are no longer friends but that is another story. People can be so cruel at times). I have no recollection of that Xmas, none at all. I was given Xmas presents but cannot tell you what I got. I even got up from eating Xmas dinner and wandered off. I was found sitting in the garden, in the snow. No idea how long I was there. Brought back into the warm and sat in the chair by the fire as I was shaking. Given a hot toddy but I have no recollection of any of this.

There are photos of me sitting with others, but with a far away look on my face. At one point my friends considered phoning for an ambulance as they could see the change in me. I was going into deep shock. Whilst they phoned 999, I wandered off again only to be found in the kitchen washing up, and making a pot of tea.
The ambulance arrived, the paramedics sat me down and gave me a cup of tea. They both chatted to me like we had been friends for years, yet I didn’t know them. I vaguely remember that conversation as we got talking about cars.

Next thing I remember was waking up in bed, I had my PJ’s on. But no recollection on how I got there. It appears that the paramedics persuaded me to go to bed. They helped me to get undressed and into my PJ’s. Then they gave me a “magic” drink. Full of sedatives. I slept for almost 13 hours.

This year I have missed my Val more than any other year barring the first one. I have cried a few times this December.
So it came as a shock to be phoned on the 7th December to be told that my good friend Allen aka Ratty was in hospital having suffered two heart attacks. They “lost” him for nearly 3 minutes before they got him back at A&E in Liskeard. Then it was blues and two’s to Derriford.
So the came tears once more.

Then Allen phoned me two days later saying that he was ok and would be home by the weekend, as it turned out he was staying in for at least another 5 days owing to a couple of blood clots.
But once home he phoned to let me know all was ok with the world. The tears were those of relief.

More sad news and that of my neighbour, Paul at no.26. He had been suffering from MD, he had a stroke 2 years ago. Then he contracted Motor Neurone Disease. It was heartbreaking to see his health slowly declining. His wife was constantly going back and forwards to the doctors, then the hospital. Back in March this year the specialist said that he had about 2 years before the end, yet less than 9 months later and he was gone.

So you see why I don’t like December much.

There is other news which is more cheerful but I’ll leave that to another day.

So have a Merry Christmas and keep safe.