[FLYING BANANA]

And so the 19th of March rolls around again. For on this day in 2009 my life was to change forever, for on this day my Val was to fall on the Shell garage forecourt in Woodford Essex. The first ambulance took us to Whipps Cross A&E under blues and two’s.

Val, with me, was then transferred to the brain injury unit at the Royal London in Whitechapel London, again under blues and two’s. We didn’t arrive till 20.00 as they were trying to find a hospital that could deal with Val’s injuries. Fractured skull and two bleeds on the brain. They wanted her to go to the specialist unit in London close to Southampton Row but they had no spare beds.

Val would spend a total of 10 weeks in the Royal London. She had stents put in to ease the pressure on the brain. She also suffered heart failure but was too ill to be moved to the heart unit. So the heart team came to her. They lowered her bed at the head end and raised the bed at her feet end. This caused the blood to kick start the heart again. Val never complained once but we all knew that all was not well.

Val was then transferred to King George’s hospital in Goodmayes Essex. Now close to home but Val would never return to our home. After 6 weeks the decision was made to move her to Meadow Court, a residential care home in the grounds of the hospital. She would stay here till she was taken ill on the 12th December 2010. On the 19th, my birthday, I had to make a decision on stopping the medication and machine as she wasn’t responding. She had been unconscious since the 14th.

That decision was the hardest I have ever made. Broke my heart but I knew it was for the best. If she did regain consciousness there was no telling how she would be. But the chances of regaining consciousness was slim. I spoke to her brother who said that whatever decision I made he would stand by me.
So the medication was stopped and the machine turned off. I stayed with her right up to the end on the 23rd December at 08.56. She looked so peaceful as she took her last breath.

I was allowed to lay on the bed so that I could cuddle her in those last few hours. The screens were pulled right around so that we had privacy. The nurses kept coming in to check on her. They were there when she took the hands of the angels.

I don’t remember much after that. Everything was like a dream. Along with a friend we cleared out her room at the home. Collected the death certificate, made the funeral arrangements and contacted family and friends. I have no idea what happened that Christmas. I know I spent it with friends and I know I was seen by a doctor as people were concerned about my mental health.

The funeral was held on the same day that would have been her late Mum’s Birthday, 4th January. Family and friends attended along with the ladies from the care home. The wake was held at the Dick Turpin pub in Goodmayes. I went missing, I just wanted time on my own. I said I was going to the loo but walked out the front door and walked across the road to the local church. I went in and sat in the pews. I closed my eyes and cried. I sensed that someone was close. An arm was put around me and I was cuddled, it was my cousin Christine.

She had watched me go to the loo and had followed me. When she saw me go into the church she returned to the wake and along with two ladies from the care home they came over to make sure I was ok. After that I have no idea what happened. I finally woke up in a strange bed in Greenhithe in Kent. I was at my, then, friends house. I had my PJ’s on but how I got there I have no idea.
I had been seen by a doctor and had been sedated as I was in such a state. I would stay at the house for another 5 days, but I wanted to go home.

My ex-friends finally gave in and took me home. They stayed long enough to make sure I had food in the flat and that the heating was on. Then they were fully aware I needed to be on my own. But they had told a few neighbours that I was at home.

And that is the first time I have told the full story of what happened after Val’s passing. All remembered as if it was yesterday and not 14 years ago.

Yes, I still miss my Val and will always have those memories locked into my heart. I talk to her everyday. Last week was the Cheltenham Gold Cup and we always had a bet. I used to go for the obscure names but Val would always bet on the ‘greys’. Her horse came last and mine fell. Memories can never be taken they might slip away a bit as we get older but they can never be lost.

Remember to give your loved one’s that extra hug, and a kiss, for none of us knows what lies around the next corner.

Thanks for reading.