Brum's Joke Book

[brum29]

Rob75 suggested this as a tribute to our friend Keff. Some will make you laugh, some will make you groan, that was his speciality.

Thanks Keff, proper gent.

At 85 years of age, Roger married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old.
Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their
wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.

After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the
expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Roger, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one.

All goes well, Roger takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep. After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Roger. Again he is ready for more "action".

Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more coupling. When the newly weds are done, Roger kisses his bride, bids her a good night and leaves. She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it - Roger is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more "action".

And, once more they enjoy each other. But as Roger gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who where only good once. You are truly a great lover, Roger."

Roger, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says: "You mean I have been here already?"

:

:

:


The moral of the story: Don't be afraid of getting old, Alzheimer has its advantages.

Can't wait to get there.......KB

[brum29]

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.


(Hardly seems worth it.)







If you passed wind consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

(Now that's more like it!)

NO COMMENT!!


The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

(O.M.G.!)

















A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)

(.)




Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour

(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)








The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.

(Honey, I'm home. What the.............?!)







The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.







The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.


(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)








Some lions mate over 50 times a day.





Butterflies taste with their feet


(Something I always wanted to know.)







Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.


(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)








Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.


(Okay, so that would be a good thing)







A cat's urine glows under a black light.




(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)








An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.


( I know some people like that.)








Starfish have no brains


(I know some people like that too.)







Polar bears are left-handed.





(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)



















everyone !

[brum29]

WIN 2 TICKETS AND ALL EXPENSES PAID INCLUDING AIR FARES TO THE 2008 OLYMPIC GAMES INBEIJING,CHINA.

To participate is very easy, just view the attached photo, correctly
answer the following questions and send your answers to:
International Olympic Committee, Private Bag, Lausanne, Switzerland.

1. Which student seems to appear tired / sleepy?
2. Which ones are male twins?
3. Which ones are the female twins?
4. How many women are in the group?
5. Which one is the teacher?


Good Luck








I guess you are not going either.

[brum29]

Hi all, think I may have the hang of sticking pictures on the site. Can someome view and let me know if it's OK.

If it is there be no stopping me now. Cheers KB

[Kiwirover]

Im not saying nothin...

[brum29]

Hi all, I know I'm a newbie and I know the answer will be somewhere (but I can't find it) so will someone please tell me.

When you look at the section "What's Going On" and under the heading "Currently Active Users" why are the names of people in different colours. I know I'm sad but I'm cute with it.

Cheers KB

[GreyGhost]

Pale blue registered members.
Red, subscribed members.
Green, Club team (we run the place)
Dark blue, paid advertisers.

[brum29]

Thanks GG, sorted

[brum29]

Only in America .......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America .do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in America .do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America! .......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America .do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in America .do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

Only in America .do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

[JohnDotCom]

Sounds like the UK to me.