As the years slip by.

[FLYING BANANA]

7 years ago today my wife and I went shopping, just an ordinary day, nothing special planned. But it was not going to end as we had wanted it to be. For the next time my Val would come back to our flat would be when the hearse brought her home in 2011.

You learn to cope, you learn the hard way. Don't put all the washing in together, otherwise you end up with funny coloured shirts. Cooking would never be a problem as Mum had taught me the basics and Val the fancy stuff. But it did not stop me cremating a few things or preparing everything to go into the slow cooker, then forgetting to switch it on. Thus spending 8 hours at the hospital and having a cheese sandwich for dinner.

You learn to adapt to your shopping needs, shopping for one not two. Looking for the instructions on how to use the vacuum cleaner, as you need a Phd to figure out where the ON button is. Changing the sheets on the bed was once a two person operation, but now you learn to do it yourself. I still struggle with the duvet cover. No matter how many times I have been shown how easy it is to do.

You cope with having a friend staying over, and you give them your bed whilst you sleep on the emergency bed in the front room. Remembering not to walk around in the nude, and to lock the bathroom door, whilst they are there. You yearn for company but only in the evenings, as the evenings are the loneliest.

You spend 10 weeks travelling back and forwards to the Royal London Hospital living in hope that Val would be coming home soon. Your heart skips a beat when told that she is being moved to King Georges Hospital so to be nearer to home. Not long now Val and you will be home. You start making plans. We'll move into a ground floor home and I'll look after you. You learn different skills only to have your hopes dashed. 6 weeks in KG and now she is being moved into Meadow Court a residential nursing home.

You learn with having to deal with the news that Val's car is stolen outside home. You deal with the news that police will not be looking for it. Then you learn how you are going to tell her that her Fiesta has gone. But you are not prepared for her answer, "We'll have to get another Rover then", she said.

You learn not to show your emotions slip through. Chin up and keep smiling through. Soon be home sweetheart, but not as you would have wanted, not in the back of a hearse.

There is not a day that goes by that I do not forget. But you just learn to cope the best you can.

[murphyv310]

I'm lost for words. Thank you for sharing this which is such a reminder how fragile we are. Anne and myself are so close and I dread the day one of us depart.
Right now I'm making the best of each day and really that's all we can do.
Keep happy and remember the good times, life's hard but only us can make it better.

[planenut]

Hi Robert, sharing those thoughts is important to your ability to get through. I lost my Judy eight years ago now, and learning to put things in imaginary folders, to "open" and peruse and weep and then close for a while to get on with the life we now have, has been helpful to me.

My place is a right mess now due to not expecting anybody to walk in the door, I know I could and should do something about that.

The true treasures of this life are those memories that we have because that person shared it with us.

[FLYER]

Your a lovely man Bob.

I love seeing your big cheery face at meets..

Keep on keeping on .

[coolcat]

I'm lost for words Bob, I'm glad you are not though and are able to express your emotions with us.

Incredibly moving to read and I know that your Val would be proud to see that although you miss her each and every day that you are getting on with your life as well.

All the best and see you next month Sir.

[Lancpudn]

That's a very touching read & I'm terribly sorry for your loss, I couldn't even begin to think what going through something like that is like.

[stevenicks]

I don't really know what to say Bob, you are an incredibly brave man who cared and loved his wife very much. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, to me it brings home how lucky I am to be with my Caroline.

[valleygixer]

This is the one thing on open forums that always surprises me...... Positively

People feel comfortable to poor there hearts out and let feelings and emotion be transferred into written word that they may not do in spoken word.

Another thing that I always try to remember is that we never know what anyone is going through.

I'm glad you can look forward and hopefully remember all the good times!! Chin up

[RPWC]

Knowing you well by now Bob, I know how much you miss Val,and the times we have spoken of her.
You always seem strong and upbeat,which I'm sure is why Val would have wanted from you.
Looking forward ,as Jeff is, to catching up with you 5 weeks today.:bowdown
Strangely enough I was saying to Fiona yesterday how wrong she is deleting photos of herself,because she thinks she looks fat and old.
I said if you go before me,what will I have to remember you with? , all we have of our life together is our wedding photos,that was 20 years ago, life is too precious.

[Ravinder]

Very touching post.