For all you Cat lovers:-

Tatts · 22nd September 2007, 11:06

How to give a cat a pill.

1. Pick cat up, cradle in crook of arm. Position thumb and forefinger on either side of mouth and press gently. As cat's mouth opens pop pill into mouth and allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2 Retrive pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap. Cradle cat, firmly holding rear legs, force open jaws and push pill to back of throat. Hold mouth shut for count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Use plasters to cover bleeding fingers. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees. Ignore low growls. Get spouse to hold head firmly while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cats throat briskly.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail , get another pill. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Sweep up broken vases etc.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down straw.

9. Check label to ensure pill is not harmful to humans. Apply antiseptic and dressings to spouses arms and remove blood from carpet with cold water.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbours shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door on to neck with head showing. Force mouth open with spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver and replace cupboard door. Apply cold compress to cheeks and check date of last Tetanus jab. Remove bloodstained T-shirt.

12. Ring Fire Brigade to remove cat from neighbours tree. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence avoiding fleeing cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie cats front paws to rear paws and tie to leg of table. Get heavy pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large pieces of fillet steak. Hold head vetically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Get spouse to drive you to casualty department and sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearms and removes remnant of pill from eye. Call furniture shop on the way home and order a new table.

15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect cat. Contact local pet shop to see if they stock Hamsters.

HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL. Wrap it (the pill, not the dog ) in a piece of bacon.

Timbo.P6 · 23rd September 2007, 23:14

lol I,m sure we,ve done some of them.

22nd September 2007, 11:06	#1
Tatts This is my second home MG6 TL Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Tarn Posts: 5,269 Thanks: 2 Thanked 46 Times in 37 Posts	For all you Cat lovers:- How to give a cat a pill. 1. Pick cat up, cradle in crook of arm. Position thumb and forefinger on either side of mouth and press gently. As cat's mouth opens pop pill into mouth and allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2 Retrive pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat and repeat process. 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away. 4. Take new pill from foil wrap. Cradle cat, firmly holding rear legs, force open jaws and push pill to back of throat. Hold mouth shut for count of ten. 5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Use plasters to cover bleeding fingers. Call spouse from garden. 6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees. Ignore low growls. Get spouse to hold head firmly while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cats throat briskly. 7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail , get another pill. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Sweep up broken vases etc. 8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down straw. 9. Check label to ensure pill is not harmful to humans. Apply antiseptic and dressings to spouses arms and remove blood from carpet with cold water. 10. Retrieve cat from neighbours shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door on to neck with head showing. Force mouth open with spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. 11. Fetch screwdriver and replace cupboard door. Apply cold compress to cheeks and check date of last Tetanus jab. Remove bloodstained T-shirt. 12. Ring Fire Brigade to remove cat from neighbours tree. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence avoiding fleeing cat. Take last pill from foil wrap. 13. Tie cats front paws to rear paws and tie to leg of table. Get heavy pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large pieces of fillet steak. Hold head vetically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down. 14. Get spouse to drive you to casualty department and sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearms and removes remnant of pill from eye. Call furniture shop on the way home and order a new table. 15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect cat. Contact local pet shop to see if they stock Hamsters. HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL. Wrap it (the pill, not the dog ) in a piece of bacon.

23rd September 2007, 23:14	#2
Timbo.P6 Posted a thing or two ROVER 75 CONNOISSEUR T SE WITH MISSING SATNAV ROVER P6 2000 SC Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Doncaster Posts: 1,484 Thanks: 429 Thanked 77 Times in 44 Posts	lol I,m sure we,ve done some of them.