Old people !!!

[The Yellow Peril]

You know how old people are always banging on about how old they are and how good they look for their age, well this is a story about just such a thing.

(It's a bit of a long one, but bear with me)




Old Horace is in town doing his shopping and goes into the butchers, the conversation goes something like this;


Horace: "Hello Butch’, I'd like a couple of lamb chops, a half a pound of pork sausages and a bit of brisket please"

Butcher: "Right away Sir"

Horace, making conversation says

"Yes, when you get to my age you have to look after yourself and eat properly to stay fit and healthy you know"

“Well you’re looking good on it” say the Butcher.

Horace, who is proud of his youthful & spritely looks says to the Butcher

"Go on then, have a guess, how old do you think I am?"

The Butcher, not wanting to upset his customer but realising that he is well over 70 says

"Well you look as though you’re in great shape to me, I would say that you’re not a day over 65"

Horace excitedly and somewhat defiantly replies

"Wrong! I'm 79. Its healthy living that does it, plenty of fresh meat and vegetables, I don’t eat any of this processed rubbish"

"Well you're certainly looking very good on it" the butcher says, at which Horace thanks the Butcher for his compliment, pays the man and heads off to the Greengrocers.

Once in the Greengrocers the conversation follows a similar pattern

Horace: "Hello, I'd like half a pound of carrots, two pounds of potatoes, a cauliflower, a cabbage and some sprouts please"

"My word" says the greengrocer, "you like your vegetables"

Horace: "Yes, at my age I have to look after my health and fresh vegetables are good for energy and warding off the flu"

Greengrocer: "Well you're certainly looking well on it"

"I bet you can't guess how old I am" says Horace, puffing himself up to his full 5’4”, (1 metre and a bit for you young folk out there)

The greengrocer rubs his chin and thinks for a minute and then says

"Hmm, I bet you're not a day over 65"

Horace: "Ha-ha, you're well off the mark, I'm 79 you know. It’s eating well and exercising that keeps me looking this good.

Chuffed to bits, Horace pays the greengrocer and sets off to catch the bus home.

While he's waiting at the bus stop, a little old lady joins him and they strike up a friendly conversation

Horace: "Hello my dear, how are you today"

Old lady: "Very well thank you, have you been shopping?" she says, spying his full carrier bags,

Horace: Yes, I've been to the butchers for my meat and I've been to the Greengrocers for my veggies, and I was telling them youngsters how important it is for us old folks to eat lots of fresh food, it keeps us young"

"That’s very true" she replies

Horace not wishing to pass up another opportunity to solicit a compliment says to the old lady

"Go on then, have a guess, how old do you think I am?"

To which the old lady pauses and then says

"Hold on a minute and I tell you". She immediately plunges her hand down the front of Horace’s trousers, closes her eyes and begins to caress his wedding wear.

After a minute or so she opens her eyes and confidently pronounces

"79!!!"

Horace is stunned, he is almost lost for words; he takes a deep breath, gathers his wits and says

"I'm amazed", his bravado clearly shaken, "tell me; how on earth you worked that out just from holding my family jewels?"


"Oh I didn't" says the old lady,
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"I was behind you in the Butchers"


Wicked!!!!



I look forward to the day..........................................

[ColinB]

A classic "Jethro" joke! Funny every time.

[The Yellow Peril]

Originally Posted by ColinB

A classic "Jethro" joke! Funny every time.

Would that be the Jethro that used to pop up on TV Southwest at regular intervals and had a "friend" called Denzil?

If so, my favourite jethro joke is the one about Jethro and Densil missing the last bus home and deciding to steal one from the bus depot.

You probably Know the one


Andrew

[podge]

A tad off thread, but reading your signature and Wishbone Ash..............should'nt you be driving a "silver machine!" P.

[ColinB]

Originally Posted by The Yellow Peril

Would that be the Jethro that used to pop up on TV Southwest at regular intervals and had a "friend" called Denzil?

If so, my favourite jethro joke is the one about Jethro and Densil missing the last bus home and deciding to steal one from the bus depot.

You probably Know the one


Andrew

Thats the one, making us laugh right now thinking about the bus joke.

[Tatts]

Originally Posted by podge

A tad off thread, but reading your signature and Wishbone Ash..............should'nt you be driving a "silver machine!" P.

Only if he also likes Hawkwind!

Although he could be Blowin' Free I guess!

[The Yellow Peril]

Ah, Jethro

My other favorite jethro joke is as follows -

Jethro and Denzil are having lunch and Denzil mentions that he

thinks his wife might been unfaithful to him

He says to Jethro

"Have you ever been unfaithfull to the wife?"

Jethro replies

"I don't know, what was her maiden name?"



I'm also happy to say that I am a Classic Rock fan, Hawkwind, Wishbome Ash, Yes, Genesis, Led Zep, Purple, Sabbath, etc

Love em all.

Perhaps given the colour of my car it ought to be Donovans, "Mellow Yellow" or the Beatles "Yellow Submarine"

Cheers

Andrew