Never underestimate Tech support

[Number 6]

Never underestimate tech. support!
The young woman who submitted the tech support message below (about her relationship to her husband) presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself. The tech support people's love advice was hilarious and genius!
The query:
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed: Desperate
The response (that came weeks later out of the blue)…


Dear Desperate,
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.
Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the Tears application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download Snoring Loudly Beta version.
Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 as it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.
In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0.
Good Luck
Tech Support ��

[Atlan]

Works both ways

> Subject: Wife 1.0.

> Dear Tech Support:
> >
> > Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and
> > noticed that the new program began unexpected child
> > processing that took up a lot of space and valuable
> > resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in
> > the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself
> > into all other programs and launches during system
> > initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.
> >
> > Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Drunken Boys Night
> > 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the
> > system whenever selected.
> >
> > I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while
> > attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I
> > am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the
> > uninstall does not work on this program. Can you help me,
> > please!!!
> >
> > Thanks,
> >
> > Joe
> >
> > Tech Support response:
> >
> > Dear Joe:
> >
> > This is a very common problem men complain about but is
> > mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade
> > from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0
> > is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program.
> >
> > Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator
> > to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge
> > Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0.
> >
> > Hidden operating files within your system would cause
> > Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained.
> >
> > It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program
> > files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to
> > Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this.
> > Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but
> > end up with more problems than the original system. Look in
> > your manual under "Warnings Alimony/Child Support,"
> >
> > I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the
> > situation. I am thinking of having Wife 1.0 installed
> > myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section
> > regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume
> > all responsibility for fault and problems that might occur,
> > regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be
> > to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE.
> >
> > In any case avoid excessive use of the Esc key because
> > ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command
> > before the operating system will return to normal. The
> > system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for
> > all the GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high
> > maintenance.
> >
> > Consider buying additional software to improve the
> > performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and
> > Chocolates 5.0. Do not, under any circumstances, install
> > Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported
> > application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible
> > damage to the operating system.
> >
> > Best of luck,
> >
> > Tech Support

[Azur]

Fun! Tnx for letting me laugh!