How do you cope ?

[Goldrover]

I am finding it difficult to cope with the loss of Sue. Loneliness and the quiet is
Intolerable.
Please forgive me for posting but it helps if I write down the way i feel.
Dave

[Bob Williams]

Dave, I certainly understand how you feel as my wife, Pamella, passed away just over three months ago. Then, two weeks later, her son moved out leaving me living on my own for the first time in my life.
You can't hurry the grieving process but things WILL gradually improve as I am slowly finding out. It has been suggested to me that I should do what I feel like doing and not what others think I should be doing. I have started doing some decorating and reading books I have had for years. I also probably spend longer on this site than I used to.
The biggest problem I have found is my sleep pattern as I seemed to wake up at about 2.00am every morning but even that is improving. I look at pictures of Pamella and think of the wonderful times we had together.
I found people were very good to me up to the funeral but they tend to leave me alone now. That means I can contact them when I want to.
Believe me, things will get better for you, as they have been for me, we just don't know when.

[Bob Williams]

Oh, and thank you for posting. It is helping me too!

[macafee2]

Just the thought of losing my wife makes me swell up.
Perhaps do some things you dont feel like doing and by this I mean go out and meet people. I think there is a Mens Shed in your area.

I'm not far away, do you want to meet for drink tomorrow or even breakfast? Nellies Cafe on the A57 towards the Dunham toll bridge is meant to be good?

macafee2

[grivas]

Originally Posted by Goldrover

I am finding it difficult to cope with the loss of Sue. Loneliness and the quiet is
Intolerable.
Please forgive me for posting but it helps if I write down the way i feel.
Dave

Hi, Please feel free to write and comment as much as you like, it is by talking that you will feel better, and time, I don't pretend to understand, what you are going through, for certain, but if posting here helps, then it must be good.

Try and keep as active as possible, and busy. Take up an old hobby, etc.

I wish you very well.

[FLYING BANANA]

I lost my wife Val 12 years ago on December 23rd 2010, and then my daughter Roberta less than 10 months later. Believe me life was hard, and I mean hard. Dark days loomed, the only escape was to end it all. But in my case “The Flying Banana” pulled me through. The car literally saved my life. Look at the friends we have made. And through that friendship I have ended up living in Cornwall. Lived for 68 years in a flat in Barkingside Essex.
Being on this forum has helped me mentally, and saved me a fortune in repairs.

Lean on family and friends, don’t be like me and think you can survive being a hero. Because you will fail. I know as I have tried being that hero, failed miserably. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Want to talk? Then you can phone me if you want. Or pm me if that helps. But speaking will help.

Do what I have done by writing your feelings down. Look for my story on the social page titled “No Going Back…………..”. Putting a story together helps the mind to keep on ticking over.

Start putting a photo album together, brings back so many happy memories. Put a photo on one page and on the opposite page do a little write up. The memories will roll down your cheeks, don’t hold back the tears. It will help the healing process.

Above all NEVER GIVE UP, life is to short.

[stevestrat]

It will take a time but it does get less painful. I found the friends I'd made here helped a lot after I lost both parents within a couple of weeks in tragic circumstances. Don't bottle anything up, don't become a hermit, speak to friends, family, maybe even a grief councillor but some feel uncomfortable about discussing feelings with a stranger. Come on here, doesn't need a reason, just to have a "conversation" with your many friends. As Bob mentioned don't try to cope with everything on your own because you can't.

You will talk to Sue, don't worry, you're not going nuts , I still talk to my parents. If something happens or I watch something particularly good on telly I still think "need to tell Dad about that". Easier said than done but try to concentrate on the happy times you had together.

[planenut]

This site is for sharing, and that's clearly not just our tears and joy the cars bring, but what we experience in our lives. The joys of our lives give us the heartache a physical loss can bring. That loved one will always be with you, in your heart and in your mind, and nothing can take that away.
I write things down when they constantly go round in my bonce, especially at night; make a cuppa, sit down and write down those odd things, your brain will know you have recorded it to return to.
It becomes easier after a while to gently close that folder for a while, knowing you can open it anytime.
I used to "talk to the wall" but even that can sometimes ignore me, so share your thoughts.

[trikey]

You have mates on here Dave, USE THEM, God knows they are getting me through the difficult times here, you have my phone number (Reception permitting) Failing that get yourself around for a cuppa.

[Goldrover]

Thank you for the replies ,they are all helpful. Just to know that there are members who
are willing to listen to me is a great comfort.
Dave