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16th October 2020, 08:58 | #1 |
Newbie
MGZT Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Margate
Posts: 19
Thanks: 14
Thanked 25 Times in 9 Posts
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Dog
Two men in a pub. One was sitting with a large dog.
That’s a lovely looking dog said first man. Do you want to buy him says second man. He’s a talking dog. Don’t be silly there isn’t such a thing as a talking dog.. At that moment the dog chimes in saying I beg your pardon, I am a talking dog, and I swam the channel last week. The week before I single pawed scaled Everest, and in record time. Last month I had dinner with Phil and Liz at Buckingham Palace. First man said “that’s amazing, he is a talking dog, why do you want to sell him? Second man says “I can’t stand his f***** lies. Lee Mack |
19th October 2020, 08:56 | #2 |
Regular poster
MG ZTT Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Cardiff
Posts: 95
Thanks: 46
Thanked 71 Times in 37 Posts
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I was in the pub and a man comes in with 3 ducks and puts them on the counter.
He says to me, 'They're talking ducks'. So I say to the first duck, 'What's your name and do you have any hobbies or interests?' The duck replied 'My name's Donald - Donald Duck - and I like going in and out of puddles'. I said to the second duck 'What's your name and do you have any hobbies?' The duck replied 'My name's Francis - Francis Drake - and I like going in and out of puddles as well'. And I said to the third duck 'What's your name and do you have any hobbies or interests?' The duck replied 'I'm Puddles and I'm fed up of those two!' |
20th October 2020, 09:14 | #3 |
Newbie
MGZT Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Margate
Posts: 19
Thanks: 14
Thanked 25 Times in 9 Posts
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Horse
A man was driving down a country lane. It was late, it was windy and it was dark.
His windscreen wipers were barely keeping up with the rain splattering his windscreen. His engine started to stutter before finally stopping. He rolled to a stop beside a big gate. There was not a soul around. He got out and opened the bonnet and peered inside at the failed engine. It’s your coil ... the man looks up, there is a big black horse staring at him from behind the gate. It’s your coil, look I can see from here, the wire has come off. The man is stunned, he eyes the horse and quickly pushes on the disconnected wire before jumping in his car and speeding off. He drives to the village and finds a pub, runs inside and orders himself a large vodka. The Barman looks at him and says are you alright, you look like you’ve seen a ghost. The man recounts his strange tale. The barman says was it a black horse? The man says that it was. Good says the barman coz the white one doesn’t know anything about cars. |
20th October 2020, 13:42 | #4 |
Regular poster
MG ZTT Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Cardiff
Posts: 95
Thanks: 46
Thanked 71 Times in 37 Posts
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The white horse
The white horse doesn't know much about alcohol either...
So, the white horse goes into the pub and says 'a pint of lager and a sugar cube please barman'. The barman replies 'Wow, we got a whisky named after you!' And horse replies 'You got a whisky called Fred?' |
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