The oil change.

[FLYING BANANA]

Seen this on another post made me giggle
Stolen but still funny...

Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to a garage when the mileage reaches 10000m since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, pay and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change:
£35.00
Coffee: £2.00
Total: £37.00
==========
Oil Change instructions for Men :
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to car parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, pay £60.00.
2) Stop and buy a case of beer, pay £20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for axle stands.
5) Find axle stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine..
8) Look for 13mm box end wrench or socket to fit.
9) Give up and use mole grips.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Swear lots.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among rubbish in the bin to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first litre of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first litre of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid mole grips tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on subframe removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin Tourette's outburst.
26) Throw stupid mole grips.
27) Swear for additional 5 minutes because grips hit one of your kids.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh litres of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from axle stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets towed.
39) Call loving wife, to pick you up..
40) Hide in shame from the neighbours stares at you arriving home without the car.
Money spent:
Parts: £60.00
DUI: £2500.00 plus a ban.
Recovery fee: £75.00
Jewellery for wife: £1500.00
Beer: £20.00
Total: £4,145.00
Knowing the job was done correctly..... Priceless

[RPWC]

Originally Posted by FLYING BANANA

Seen this on another post made me giggle
Stolen but still funny...

Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to a garage when the mileage reaches 10000m since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, pay and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change:
£35.00
Coffee: £2.00
Total: £37.00
==========
Oil Change instructions for Men :
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to car parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, pay £60.00.
2) Stop and buy a case of beer, pay £20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for axle stands.
5) Find axle stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine..
8) Look for 13mm box end wrench or socket to fit.
9) Give up and use mole grips.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Swear lots.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among rubbish in the bin to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first litre of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first litre of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid mole grips tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on subframe removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin Tourette's outburst.
26) Throw stupid mole grips.
27) Swear for additional 5 minutes because grips hit one of your kids.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh litres of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from axle stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets towed.
39) Call loving wife, to pick you up..
40) Hide in shame from the neighbours stares at you arriving home without the car.
Money spent:
Parts: £60.00
DUI: £2500.00 plus a ban.
Recovery fee: £75.00
Jewellery for wife: £1500.00
Beer: £20.00
Total: £4,145.00
Knowing the job was done correctly..... Priceless

About right but without the drinking and jewellery: for me

[T-Cut]

I always insist the wife does my oil change.
I guess I do something right.



TC

[Sprinter]

I missed out step 19 when changing the oil on my old Merc.

Add the cost of another set of trainers to the bill.