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Old 26th May 2010, 19:36   #1
trebor
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Default Pilots Gripe Sheet

After every flight, Qantas Airlines pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction.

The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.

Here are some supposedly actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution as recorded by Qantas maintenance engineers.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
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Old 26th May 2010, 20:09   #2
Wolves 75
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Very funny Mr Trebor.........
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Old 26th May 2010, 20:12   #3
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Not far from the truth on some of the sheets and reports we receive.
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Old 26th May 2010, 20:15   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnDotCom View Post
Not far from the truth on some of the sheets and reports we receive.
My thoughts exactly
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Old 26th May 2010, 20:17   #5
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Thats brilliant guys really made me laugh !
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Old 27th May 2010, 04:03   #6
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I would think that the most unusual/sought after sheets would be the ones for Ryan Air
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Old 27th May 2010, 04:22   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Roverowner View Post
I would think that the most unusual/sought after sheets would be the ones for Ryan Air

Board Room minutes would be hilarious?
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Old 27th May 2010, 10:31   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Barnowlnoddy View Post
Board Room minutes would be hilarious?

What´s gaelic for.... What ever the question is the answer is no...
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Old 30th May 2010, 16:17   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trebor View Post
After every flight, Qantas Airlines pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, ......


P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
Now why would Quantas be using targeting radar?
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Old 30th May 2010, 16:19   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lowedb View Post
Now why would Quantas be using targeting radar?
You'd be amazed at what they fit underneath their 747 wings these days
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