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Old 10th July 2008, 12:36   #241
brum29
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Rover 75 Tourer 2L CDT Club SE 2002

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Wink Tap-Tap in the cemetery...............

Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery, they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said, after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death! We thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"

"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"
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Old 10th July 2008, 12:42   #242
brum29
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Wink A Wife's Duties...................

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.

The first man had married a woman from Wales and had told her that she was going to do dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple days, but on the third day, he came home to a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from the Midlands. He had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day, he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a girl from Yorkshire. He told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, and the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, enough to fix himself a bite to eat and load the dishwasher.
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Old 10th July 2008, 14:52   #243
brum29
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Wink Kidnapped.....................

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the motorway. Nothing has moved for half an hour when suddenly a man knocks on the window.

The driver rolls down his window and asks,

'What's going on?'

'Terrorists down the road have kidnapped Gordon Brown, Alistair Darling, David Miliband and Jack Straw.

They're asking for a £10 million ransom or they're going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire. We're going from car to car, taking up a collection.'

The driver asks, 'How much is everyone giving, on average?'

'Most people are giving about a gallon.'
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Old 10th July 2008, 19:38   #244
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Wink Earl & Bubba............

Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, 'I think I'm gonna divorce my wife - she ain't spoke to me in over two months.'

Earl spits; sips his beer; and says, 'Better think it over..............women like that are hard to find.'
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Old 10th July 2008, 22:38   #245
trebor
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brum29 View Post
Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, 'I think I'm gonna divorce my wife - she ain't spoke to me in over two months.'

Earl spits; sips his beer; and says, 'Better think it over..............women like that are hard to find.'
ive laughed at one, ive laughed at one, great stuff so keep going i suppose !
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Old 12th July 2008, 21:36   #246
podge
I really should get out more.......
 
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I for one will remember this one with a sad smile......

R.I.P. BRUM
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