Cash Machine

Nick Hoare · 12th December 2006, 16:38

A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is
installing new "Drive-through" teller machines enabling customers to
withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new
facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when
accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE &
FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate
steps for your gender."

MALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Put down your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Put window up.

7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

3. Set parking brake, put the window down.

4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.

6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.

10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

11. Enter PIN.

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

17. Write deposit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.

18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card.

22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.

23. Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male driver waiting behind you.

24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

25. Redial person on cell phone.

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27. Release Parking Brake.

Simon · 12th December 2006, 21:17

Hoards if women will be bashing down your door soon Nick... and it's not because they find you attractive...

I'd start running if I were you...

DeeCee · 12th December 2006, 21:48

How about.....

Nick Hoare · 13th December 2006, 16:39

Quote:

Originally Posted by Simon D

Hoards if women will be bashing down your door soon Nick... and it's not because they find you attractive...

I'd start running if I were you...

Oh dear.......how many women members are there on here

GreyGhost · 13th December 2006, 18:50

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nick Hoare

Oh dear.......how many women members are there on here

3 and one has gone missing.

JP53 · 13th December 2006, 19:45

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grey Ghost

3 and one has gone missing.

Is she at the cash machine?

Simon · 13th December 2006, 22:36

Quote:

Originally Posted by John Phillips

Is she at the cash machine?

Is she still at the cash machine?!

(We're all gonna get a pasting at Haynes....)

Nick Hoare · 14th December 2006, 16:02

Quote:

Originally Posted by Simon D

Is she still at the cash machine?!

(We're all gonna get a pasting at Haynes....)

It's not a cash machine......it's a car wash

JP53 · 14th December 2006, 17:24

Quote:

Originally Posted by Simon D

Is she still at the cash machine?!

(We're all gonna get a pasting at Haynes....)

Hand-bagging at dawn mate

JP53 · 14th December 2006, 17:26

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nick Hoare

It's not a cash machine......it's a car wash

Yep she left the windows open so they would not steam up

12th December 2006, 16:38	#1
Nick Hoare Loves to post Rover 75 1.8 Conn SE Auto (54) Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Sheffield Posts: 269 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Cash Machine A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing new "Drive-through" teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender." MALE PROCEDURE 1. Drive up to the cash machine. 2. Put down your car window. 3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN. 4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. 5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt. 6. Put window up. 7. Drive off. FEMALE PROCEDURE 1. Drive up to cash machine. 2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine. 3. Set parking brake, put the window down. 4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card. 5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up. 6. Attempt to insert card into machine. 7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car. 8. Insert card. 9. Re-insert card the right way. 10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page. 11. Enter PIN. 12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN. 13. Enter amount of cash required. 14. Check makeup in rear view mirror. 15. Retrieve cash and receipt. 16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside. 17. Write deposit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook. 18. Re-check makeup. 19. Drive forward 2 feet. 20. Reverse back to cash machine. 21. Retrieve card. 22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided. 23. Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male driver waiting behind you. 24. Restart stalled engine and pull off. 25. Redial person on cell phone. 26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles. 27. Release Parking Brake. __________________ [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] N i c k

12th December 2006, 21:48	#3
DeeCee Regular poster none Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: none Posts: 93 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	How about..... Last edited by DeeCee; 9th February 2007 at 13:36..

12th December 2006, 21:17	#2
Simon Banned - Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: - Posts: 10,318 Thanks: 0 Thanked 4 Times in 3 Posts	Hoards if women will be bashing down your door soon Nick... and it's not because they find you attractive... I'd start running if I were you...