Needing a laugh

[FLYING BANANA]

My wife told me she thought we'd have less arguments if I wasn't so pedantic.
I told her 'I think you mean fewer'.
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I've been thinking of adding a bedroom and a bathroom on top of my house, but that's another story.
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My wife gets annoyed if I mess with her red wine, so I've added fruit and lemonade to it and now she's sangria than ever.
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"TWERK"
1: To dance using predominantly your bum, usually sexually
2: Where people in Yorkshire go Monday to Friday, 9-5pm
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For Sale
Limited Edition bottle of Chinese Tippex
It's a corrector's item.
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I went to a fancy dress party dressed as a chicken.
Met a girl dressed as an egg.
A question as old as time was answered.
The chicken.
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Just lost a court case to a fabric softener!
I fought Lenor and Lenor won!
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I just bought a vintage Rolls Royce, but the budget didn't cover a driver.
So I spent all that money, and I've got nothing to chauffeur it...